Friendship after baby.

When I got pregnant with my son I was barely 20. I had been in a short lived partying stage where I went out every night of the week and arrived at school and work looking, and feeling, a mess. I found out I was pregnant in June; but before I found out things were already changing. I felt extremely tired so I didn't go out as much. When I did go out, I got home at a decent hour. The friends I had at the time were not really close. Acquaintances I guess. We got along well and had fun together but it wasn't that deep. As soon as I revealed I was pregnant, they started pulling away. I forgave them and started staying home. What fun is a pregnant girl at a party? I had to be responsible and they weren't ready to. I haven't talked to any of them since.

Fast forward 5 years. In this story Im 25. I have a decent job that Ive been at for 3 years. Ive made friends; friends much closer than my former party buddies. I actually talk to these people about my life and we discuss each other's problems and hopes. I start dating one of them. We get pregnant. Exciting! I feel like this time I have good friends who aren't flakes and will stick around. While pregnant everyone is happy for us and says they want to be part of the baby's life. Promises of visits and babysitting abound.

I had my daughter two months ago. I only hear from one friend on a regular basis and she's not from work.

What is it about having children that puts people off? Some of these people have children of their own... surely they know how lonely you can get being home alone with small children all day. Sleep deprived and hormonal, I feel like my friends don't care.

My situation is not unique. I know several moms (and dads) who have had the same thing happen. I think I may have done it to one of my friends in the past. Do we feel that when our friends have children they are somehow changed for the worse? Or are we staying away because of some assumed feeling of consideration? "Maybe the new parents are tired and don't want visitors... I wont bother them, I'll let them call when they are ready."

Well don't. Don't wait to call. Next time one of your friends has a baby make sure you contact them. If they are too tired, they will say so. Please don't leave them alone.